Life, eh?

I really should be studying right now. REALLY. And I told myself I wouldn't blog about my recent thoughts, because reading them afterwards would just make me sad again. I need to, or at least want to, forget about my recent thoughts. But I feel like I can't escape them.

I have been thinking a lot about death lately. I feel like every other person around me is dying. Yesterday, I read the story of a woman who fought breast cancer for about five years and  died from it just last March. Then I read the story of a little girl who was diagnosed with cancer at the age of two and and died from it this past June. I was reading her mother's blog and it just tore me apart inside. She spoke about visiting her daughter's grave and talking to her and updating her on the other family members' lives after the little girl had passed away. She talked about trying to catch glimpses of her daughter in her other children. And I guess, more than making me feel sad, it just made me so scared. Life can be so unpredictable. Today, I am sitting here reading about that woman's journey through cancer or that other woman's struggle to learn to live happily again after the passing of her daughter, but what if tomorrow I am one of those women? What if? How would I ever cope with the thought of having my child die in front of me? How does anyone cope with such things? How do you keep on having hope when your cancer keeps on returning year after year?

And then there are other sorts of deaths. For my Master's, I am doing my major research paper on whether a shift in political speech led to a tipping point in the Rwandan genocide. I recently learned that the radio broadcasts that were used as a propaganda tool to incite hatred against the Tutsi population were done so because they would attract the illiterates among the Hutus. The broadcasters also played popular music in between the messages  to attract youth. To think human beings could stoop so low as to strategically plan out the killing of others is so disgusting. There are diseases, famine, poverty and so many other problems as is, so why do we add to these problems? Why do we add to the death and destruction?

More importantly, what do I do now? Every time I reflect on life and the craziness of this world, it always helps to remember those who put a smile on my face. Those, who without realizing, touch my heart. I have met plenty of these people and sometimes I just haven't had the words to thank them. Just the other day, when I was trying to stuff my wallet in my backpack while talking to my dad on the phone, this girl saw me struggling and offered and then proceeded to close my zipper for me. It was a very small gesture of kindness, but at that moment, it really touched me. I hold doors open for others. I try to offer my seat in the bus to the elderly, but those are all things I have been taught to do, time and time again. I have never gone out of my way to be extra helpful and caring, and her gesture really moved me. I have another professor that is just so incredibly helpful in so many ways. Sometimes I just want to run up to her and give her the biggest hug in the world or bake her a whole batch of cupcakes. I am afraid that she might get creeped out, (haha) so I have been too shy to express my gratitude to her.

The point is, thinking about these people and their random acts of kindness is something I need to remember doing. This world is full of sadness and the unpredictable nature of life scares me to a great extent. But as long as I am surrounded by people who care--this includes strangers as well as family and friends--I am sure life will work out just fine and in the end, I will manage to smile no matter what. I hope so, at least.