Life, eh?

I really should be studying right now. REALLY. And I told myself I wouldn't blog about my recent thoughts, because reading them afterwards would just make me sad again. I need to, or at least want to, forget about my recent thoughts. But I feel like I can't escape them.

I have been thinking a lot about death lately. I feel like every other person around me is dying. Yesterday, I read the story of a woman who fought breast cancer for about five years and  died from it just last March. Then I read the story of a little girl who was diagnosed with cancer at the age of two and and died from it this past June. I was reading her mother's blog and it just tore me apart inside. She spoke about visiting her daughter's grave and talking to her and updating her on the other family members' lives after the little girl had passed away. She talked about trying to catch glimpses of her daughter in her other children. And I guess, more than making me feel sad, it just made me so scared. Life can be so unpredictable. Today, I am sitting here reading about that woman's journey through cancer or that other woman's struggle to learn to live happily again after the passing of her daughter, but what if tomorrow I am one of those women? What if? How would I ever cope with the thought of having my child die in front of me? How does anyone cope with such things? How do you keep on having hope when your cancer keeps on returning year after year?

And then there are other sorts of deaths. For my Master's, I am doing my major research paper on whether a shift in political speech led to a tipping point in the Rwandan genocide. I recently learned that the radio broadcasts that were used as a propaganda tool to incite hatred against the Tutsi population were done so because they would attract the illiterates among the Hutus. The broadcasters also played popular music in between the messages  to attract youth. To think human beings could stoop so low as to strategically plan out the killing of others is so disgusting. There are diseases, famine, poverty and so many other problems as is, so why do we add to these problems? Why do we add to the death and destruction?

More importantly, what do I do now? Every time I reflect on life and the craziness of this world, it always helps to remember those who put a smile on my face. Those, who without realizing, touch my heart. I have met plenty of these people and sometimes I just haven't had the words to thank them. Just the other day, when I was trying to stuff my wallet in my backpack while talking to my dad on the phone, this girl saw me struggling and offered and then proceeded to close my zipper for me. It was a very small gesture of kindness, but at that moment, it really touched me. I hold doors open for others. I try to offer my seat in the bus to the elderly, but those are all things I have been taught to do, time and time again. I have never gone out of my way to be extra helpful and caring, and her gesture really moved me. I have another professor that is just so incredibly helpful in so many ways. Sometimes I just want to run up to her and give her the biggest hug in the world or bake her a whole batch of cupcakes. I am afraid that she might get creeped out, (haha) so I have been too shy to express my gratitude to her.

The point is, thinking about these people and their random acts of kindness is something I need to remember doing. This world is full of sadness and the unpredictable nature of life scares me to a great extent. But as long as I am surrounded by people who care--this includes strangers as well as family and friends--I am sure life will work out just fine and in the end, I will manage to smile no matter what. I hope so, at least.

Fobs

"Fobs." I have been thinking about that term and the use of that term a lot recently. I was listening to a song in Algerian Arabic, and showed it to a friend who approved of the song, but disapproved of the singers. She felt that they were trying too hard to look cool. "Typical fobs," she said. I was a bit surprised to hear that. And at that point, I realized how much we bash fobs and make fun of them. For trying to be like the rest of us, when they're apparently so different. For trying to act cool. For trying to fit in and seek others' approval.

But is that really so wrong? Haven't we all been there, done that? Is it not human to want others to approve of you, to like you and to appreciate you? If that was not the case, then why would anyone of us wear what's "in," follow the music that everyone else is talking about and behave in a manner that society expects us to behave. At times, in fact, I feel that a lot of our actions are done because society and our surroundings have conditioned us to act in a certain way. Was this not how horrifying acts like slavery took place? Because everyone else was doing it, so it seemed okay. Thinking otherwise would have been stepping outside of the norm, and as a professor recently told me, such action can only be left to a few heroic individuals who are born every so often. Most of us are sheep; in other words, mere trend followers, following that one trend setter.

So why blame others, when we are all at fault? In fact, wanting to fit in is not even something that should be considered faulty unless it comes at the expense of oneself and others. It is human nature. So, be human and let others be human. Live and let live.

Chasing a Mirage

Have you ever dreamed hopelessly about something, knowing that it may never become real? Or, have you dreamed and convinced yourself that it would turn into reality, even if thoughtful reasoning would lead you to believe otherwise? Have you ever chased a mirage?

Why is it that human beings do such unreasonable things? Why do we like bumping into the same brick wall time and time again, knowing that the wall will not budge? Or, is it just those of us who are hopeless dreamers that act on instinct and not reason?

Have you ever been drawn to someone knowing that they may never like you back? Have you tried hopelessly to make them like you, knowing that it may very well get you nowhere? Or maybe, just maybe, it is the sheer pleasure of being in that person's company and enjoying those few temporary moments that cause you to act that way. To not care, if the other person likes you back or not, but to just be satisfied with the feeling of being in their company. To hear them talk. To see them smile. To be amazed by their very presence. And just live in the moment. Even if in the long run, it turns out to be a bitter sweet moment. But at least, it is sweet while it lasts.

The power of one's emotions can be highly incomprehensible at times.

"Brown People"

Ahhh. I was having a discussion with a friend recently and it dawned on my how much people tend to generalize. Even about the smallest of things. Now, when people generalize, their intention may not be to cause harm and what they say may not necessarily be offensive, but it is still wrong. And I do take offense to it, for the simple reason that I don’t want others to come in and inform me about what my people are like. What I am like. That just comes off as plain ignorance. 

The discussion that I had with a friend revolved around “brown people” and the fact that she thought that we can easily be differentiated from the crowd, but how that’s not the case with Arabs who can easily be mistaken for white folks at times. Now, at the outset, this doesn’t seem to be mean and it’s not, but I was just annoyed at the fact that my friend was convinced that all brown people are literally brown with similar features and attitudes. I have used the term “brown people” myself many times but it was not up till now that I realized the damage the term has done to my identity. I tried to convince my friend that South Asia is a HUGE place and that brown people come in all shapes and sizes and colours and I know many fair skinned brown folks, who can be mistaken for Caucasians, and I know many dark skinned people also, but she would not buy it.

I guess what really bothered me was the fact that people can be so easily ignorant about foreign cultures. I am from Pakistan, you see, and in spite of being a small country, we have quite a few sub-cultures and languages. From the Pashtuns of the north to the Kashmiris, and the Hazaras of Balochistan; from the Makranis in Karachi who are said to be descendants of Africans to the Sindhis; from the Punjabis to the Mahajir, who form the migrant population from India, Pakistan is filled with a wide variety of people. A beautiful variety. A variety that has made me proud to be who I am. In my elementary school in Karachi, I grew up learning Sindhi. My grand parents were Mahajir or migrants from India and several of my aunts and uncles married into Punjabis and some of my cousins can speak Punjabi also. I am a product of all these different sub cultural influences, and therefore know that each is quite distinct from the other. So, how can an outsider come in and tell me that we all look the same; that we are all the same? 

Now I know I can only speak on behalf of Pakistanis but even within India, there’s a HUGE diversity of people. Travelling from the north to the south is a completely different experience of cultures, languages, tastes and traditions. 

How can anyone define what an Indian or Pakistani is? It can’t be done! So, next time you use the term “brown people,” think twice. Do not take it in literal terms and do not form preconceived notions about an entire population. Do not be ignorant.